December 2006

PERSONAL ADS FROM WOMEN

Personal Ads From Women

40ish... 48

Adventurer... Has had more partners than you ever will

Athletic... Flat-chested

Average-looking... Ugly

Beautiful... Pathological liar

Contagious Smile... Bring your penicillin

Educated... College dropout

Emotionally Secure... Medicated

Feminist... Fat; ball-buster

Free Spirit... Substance user

Friendship First... Trying to live down reputation as a sl*t

Fun... Annoying

New-Age... All body hair, all the time

Old-Fashioned... Lights out, missionary position only

Open-Minded... Desperate

Outgoing... Loud

Passionate... Loud

Poet... Depressive schizophrenic

Professional... Real witch

Redhead... Shops the Clairol section

Rubenesque... Grossly fat

Romantic.... Looks better by candlelight

Voluptuous... Very fat

Weight Proportional To Height... Extremely fat

Wants Soul Mate... One step away from stalking

Widow... Nagged first husband to death

Young At Heart... Toothless geezer

PIRATES

A LITTLE BOY WAS OUTSIDE PLAYING PIRATES ONE DAY WHEN

A LITTLE OL LADY WALKED BY;;;

WHAT ARE YOU DOING LITTLE BOY SHE ASKED.

BAYING, REPLIED THE LITTLE BOY

WHAT SHE ASKED BY

BAYING, REPLIED THE LITTLE BOY

OH, YOU'RE PLAYING ,REPLIED THE LITTLE OL LADY

YEAHHH, SAID THE LITTLE BOY SWISHING HIS HANDS AROUND AS IF HOLDING A SWORD AND FIGHTING AN OPPONENT.

WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING, THE LADY ASKED BACK.

BIRATES, REPLIED THE LITTLE BOY.

WHAT, SHE ASKED.

BIRATES, REPLIED THE LITTLE BOY.

OH, SHE REPLIED. PIRATES.

YEAHHH, REPLIED THE LITTLE BOY, STILL MOVING HIS HANDS ABOUT AS IF IN A SWORDFIGHT WITH AN OPPONENT.

WHERE ARE YOUR BUCCANEERS, ASKED THE LADY?

HUH? ASKED THE LITTLE BOY

WHERE ARE YOUR BUCCANEERS???

OH, SAID THE LITTLE BOY, CUPPING THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD.

UP HERE ON THE SIDE OF MY BUCKIN' HEAD.

TAKE CARE AND HAVE A NICE NEW YEAR. ED